Sunday, July 30, 2006
@1:23 AM
I heard these all. I am too hard on myself. I am too hard on my team. I am impatient and demanding. I don't care about the problems one faces. I only want to see result. I am too task-oriented.
Sigh.........
I wish I can sleep now. I really wish so. How many of you out there have been a club president? Not for one club, but two outstanding ones. I have the chance. I learnt so much from both experience. And it really develop myself from a quiet and shy chap into someone who crave to be the best.
Yet, when I look back on the experience, there's always some regrets. I kinda scolded an exco quite badly because she went MIA for a period of time. I scolded another exco because he didn't put the goal of the club before his agenda. Today, I just threw my temper once again.
I just can't understand why people can be so irresponsible or forgetful. It happens not for once or twice ~ rather, I lost count of them. Deadlines were set and ignored. Promises were made and broken. Are we really all the in "ORD" mood already? Can we still convince ourselves that this very club is our baby?
At least, it's my baby. Sometimes, I even take it too personally. I only want the best from my exco. I led by example. I do everything I can (including sacrificing alot of things) just to make sure that our plans are all carried out. I nagged because people can't listen the first time round. Or rather, they chose to ignore what was agreed upon. What the fuck. I just want each and every single exco to regard this club as their own baby.
Responsibilities fall upon us once we ran for the election. It's our fucking responsibilities to bring this club forward till the day we hand over to the new batch of exco. Before that happens, we must be fucking committed. Don't give me all sort of excuses for all sort of wrongdoing. If I can be all the Dean's List all these while while I head the club, I don't see why you can fucking cope with a lesser responsibility. Really ~ sometimes, I just feel like giving it up.
I remember once my ex-club's secretary decided to transfer to NTU, I broke down that night. I was really stressed up. I fucking dunno if I can handle it all. This is how much committment I had.
Foolishly when I "ORD" from that club, I decided to run for this very club. In fact, I was happy when the election was finally concluded. I trusted that I had a great team. If my time can be divided as a pie, you will see half "study" and half "CCA". To me, I only had a year in office. I want to do my part to bring it up.
Fuck whatever scolding I had trashed on you. Read the title of the post again. I am sorry. Sorry for believing that everyone should love the club as much as I do. Sorry for demanding so much from you. Sorry for fucking scold you again and again when things don't go according to plan. Sorry for all the mails that you regards as spam. Sorry for all the faith that I placed in some of you. And I am fucking sorry.
by Str|fe
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